Happy Birthday to ME

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Today is my twenty-sixth birthday. I don’t understand how people ever complain about getting older. Did you, like, peak in high school? I freaking love getting older. I welcome each new year with open arms. It’s part of my lifelong plan to age “gracefully”. Gotta be grateful for each full year of life that you get, man.

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26 is nothing to write home about or anything, I mean, I didn’t get another pair of Louboutins like I did for my 25th, but it’s still a great age. I plan on making a big deal out of all of my birthdays not just the “important” ones. Also, 26 is the age I will tell people I was when I got married! BirthDAY < Wedding YEAR.

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Processed with VSCOcam with c3 presetI feel like I am becoming the woman I am supposed to be. I have found a hair color that works for me, I’ve accepted that being pale and ghostly is probably better than skin cancer, I know how to highlight and contour like a boss ass bitch, I am continuously told how much I remind people of Jennifer Lawrence, and my style is, in my humble opinion, at an all time high. All of that physical stuff aside, my relationships with my friends, family, and fiancé are stronger than ever and continue to bloom and grow. I have a confidence that borders on narcissism, but I don’t even care because if loving myself is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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Dress/Target, Jeans/Obey, Beautiful Face c/o makeup & a good night’s sleep

Cheers to another wonderful year filled with life, love, and keeping up with this blog. xoxo.

My Super Sweet 16

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You know that old saying “you only turn 16 once in your life so you better have a big party”? Well, first of all, I made that up so you have literally never heard it until just now and secondly, it’s so not true. The first time I turned 16 was not so sweet. I got the standard $25 birthday check from my grandma and I don’t even remember having a party.

The older I get, the wiser I become, and it might have been the wisest decision of my life to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my 16th birthday with a super sweet 16 party. Unfortunately, maybe this whole getting older thing is also dumbing me down because I did the thing that no 16 year old wants to do: share the spotlight. Since his actual birthday is 3 days before mine, I asked my friend Nick to come be worshiped along side me. He was 2 hours late and got to make a grand entrance which was only a little bit annoying (I wanted to make a grand entrance!).

Anyway, here are some party pictures and notes about how to throw a SUPER sweet 16.

No party is complete without a celebrity guest and since Amy Schumer completely ignored my Instagram invitation, we almost didn’t have one…. drama, right?!… Luckily my crazy cousin decided to surprise me and fly in from Texas. As a celebrity guest, she did not disappoint. She may or may not have gulped down an entire bottle of red wine (straight from the bottle) and dirty danced with our ottoman. It was awesome. I love her so much.

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Even though my sister spent a good portion of her week getting stoned in Denver, CO, she still made the time to make this beautiful cake. It’s pink and covered in sprinkles and the candle holder is a chandelier so, um, yeah, she nailed it.

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What sweet 16 would be complete without girls taking selfies and ignoring each other?!

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The cake was so pretty, I almost didn’t want to allow anyone to eat it.
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Nick did a great job sticking with the black tie theme of our party. Some people showed up in jeans and since our bouncer was off duty at the time, I had no choice but to let them in.

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Like, not to be a bitch, but Joel knows how much I hate red roses and these roses are so dark pink that they almost look red. I had to excuse myself from the party for 20 minutes to lock myself in the bathroom and cry about this fact.

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Obviously I had multiple outfit changes. I had 4 outfit changes total, and 3 friends to help with them. Have you ever seen a gay man try to unhook a bra? It’s hilarious. No but seriously, thank you Amanda, Alex, and Andy for helping me get that dress on! You guys are now on an ever expanding list of people who have seen my butt.

 

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While the 2000s hip hop station on Pandora blasted in the background, guests of the party could enjoy a slideshow with pictures of Nick and myself. You’re welcome.

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Boobs.

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I love these assholes. I had to get a picture of me with a group of people to show my mom that I do have friends.

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The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re feeling guilty because you forgot to wish me a happy birthday, don’t worry about it… my actual birthday isn’t until Tuesday so you have plenty of time to put those checks in the mail.

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How To Take Original Engagement Photos

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When I see engagement photo shoot ideas on Pinterest I want to vomit. And not the good kind of vomit that happens when you get overwhelmed because you’re looking at something disgustingly cute. The bad kind of vomit… like when you’re sick. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest, I use it constantly for  inspiration; but sometimes I feel like the engagement section is a dark place where creativity goes to die and basic bitches thrive.

I love our engagement photos. Not to toot my own horn, but the locations, outfit changes, and poses were all my very own original ideas. Plus, I remember being extremely hungover… and we still managed to look madly in love. Anyway (ugh, TOOT TOOT) I think these ideas will come in handy to those of you out there who think that holding a sign that says “I SAID YES” or “he stole my heart so I’m stealing his last name” is dumb.

  1. You gotta have at least one picture where you’re giving your best bedroom eyes. See? Just do what I’m doing here:

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2. Go somewhere interesting. We went to a carousel, which I think gives hella Parisian vibes. “Will I be your wife? Oui, oui!”

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3. Eat food, but don’t really eat it, use it as a cool prop. I really like how Joel’s face says “I love you, but bitch, if you eat that donut imma have to rethink this whole situation”

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4. Strip down. Or don’t. My bathing suit in the fountain idea would have been better if I had stuck to Whole 30 and/or had a tan. It works in theory, though, so you’re welcome.

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5. Be candid. Do you think I showed my weird lumpy butt on purpose? Nope.

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6. Get symmetrical. If Wes Anderson taught me anything it’s that symmetry plus a wide shot equals beautiful.

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7. Have a fluffer. Not like the kind in porn, but someone who can fluff your hair out to make you look like a cartoon princess.

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8. Get a little touchy feely and make it funny and cute, because you’re about to get married and you don’t want anyone to think you’re a-sexual.

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9. If you do one of these poses, be sure to shave your armpits.

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10. Stage a coffee date. See those cups? totes empty.

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11. Stare at each other. “You’re going to be waking up to this face FOREVER!” #blessed

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Would it be redundant to say that if you’re taking engagement pictures, you should just have fun? Also… is it ironic that I’m telling you how to take engagement pictures while the title of the post is about being original? These are both rhetorical questions.

 

Photography by Jamie Pearson

What Kind of Nerd Are YOU?

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In recent years, Nerd Culture has exploded. It’s socially acceptable, maybe even cool, to be a geek, which is ironic as hell. I’ve always been a closeted nerd. I wrote Star Wars fan fiction and named my stuffed animals after Leo Tolstoy characters, but I was plagued with a hot bod and beautiful face, so I always felt like I had to keep my nerdiness on the DL. I could never discuss how I really felt about Scout and Atticus’ relationship or other dorky shit without confusing people (pretty people know things?).

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Now I’m embracing my immense knowledge of Lord of The Rings and Game of Thrones and going tête-à-tête with the other nerds of the world, all the while maintaining these super model good looks. You’re probably thinking either “wow, I don’t know she does it? balancing beauty and brains so perfectly” or “why won’t this girl stop talking?” but just hear me out…

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The characteristics that make up what is the Modern Nerd (or MN) vary so much that the possible Nerd Equations (or NEs) are basically infinite. Here are some examples:

  1. did you read the book Little Women every holiday season while sipping hot chocolate and wishing Beth would just die already? YOU’RE A NERD.
  2. do you prefer the original Star Wars movies (episodes IV, V, and VI) to the CGI monstrosities of the early 2000s? YOU’RE A NERD
  3. have you said the words “Star Wars” out loud in the last 12 hours? YOU’RE A NERD
  4. have you thought about Star Wars in the last 10 minutes? YOU’RE A NERD
  5. do you know what Battlestar Galactica is? YOU’RE A FRACKING NERD
  6. are you #TeamTesla or #TeamEdison? either way, YOU’RE A NERD.
  7. is Elon Musk your personal hero? then you’re name is Joel Blumer and YOU’RE A FUCKING NERD.

Whatever the complexities of your nerd make up may be, seize it! Own that shit and talk nerdy to me…

 

 

 

Welcome To Me

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Hi there, glad you could make it to my new (and obviously improved) blog. I have parted ways with my old blog because it did not have the “look” that I so desperately wanted for my official online presence. I was also either too dumb or too lazy to figure out how to make a blog look as perfect on the Internet as it did in my head. You could say that the Internet and I have buried the hatchet (or squashed the beef or wiped the slate clean)… it’s basically like I never even had an online diary for upwards of 3 years and, honestly, it’s for the best.  Now we can pretend like we just met.

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As a combination birthday + Christmas gift to me, my brilliant and handsome future baby daddy/fiance, Joel, rewrote all of the “code” for this blog. I watched him do some of it and completely zoned out so you just know it was a lot of hard, boring work. He is the brains behind most of my creative operations. He is also my personal photographer. He is also also my editor to make sure I don’t sound like a complete dumb dumb or spell anything wrong. It was Joel who revived the beloved That’s What SHE Said and turned it into what it was always meant to be: hilarious AND aesthetically pleasing, a win/win in the blogging community of bloggers. Lucky you!

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Welcome to That’s What SHE Said 2.0, people of the Internet. Welcome to ME!

a blog BY ladies FOR ladies