Category Archives: Party

Bridal Shower

I’ve been to two bridal showers in my life and they were both, well, pretty GD boring (more like bridull shower, amIright?!). I remember the most exciting part of my cousin’s shower was when she unwrapped a Dutch Oven and I immaturely cry-laughed for a solid 5 minutes. Her Vegas themed baby shower, complete with a Craps Table, beer served in baby bottles, and a game of pin the sperm on the egg while wearing a baby daddy face mask, was much more my speed.

And then I saw the movie Bridesmaids, which completely changed the potential of any bridal shower…

FEELINGS BEFORE MY SHOWER: I can only hope at my bridal shower tomorrow that someone has a mental breakdown and calls me a “LESBIANNNNNN!” and then proceeds to “eat that fucking cookie”. But, I’m really mature now, so if it ends up being a bunch of girls watching me try not to break the bows as I unwrap all of the gifts that I picked out for myself, so be it….

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FEELINGS AFTER SHOWER: My shower was last Saturday, which you totally know if you follow me on Snapchat. Although there were parts that were awkward- like when I couldn’t bend my legs to sit down in my too tight jumpsuit (I brought an outfit change knowing this could be a potential problem) or when the leather on my chair kept making fart sounds and I had to loudly profess “THAT WAS THE CHAIR” or when I had to open gifts in front of people who looked bored to tears- I still had a lot of fun. Joel’s perfect and beautiful sisters came into town and they are always a blast to hang out with. All of my girlfriends and new family sat around and drank pink champagne and told me how pretty I looked. My future MIL Sheila, BFF Jess, and sister Annie really went above and beyond when it came to capturing the essence of Sarah in the decor: there were books and succulents everywhere.

And I gotta say… It feels especially good to have our entire bedroom completely furnished now thanks to my meticulously curated Target registry! So thank you for showering me, ladies of Pittsburgh!

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Easy Peasy Balloon Wall

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One thing that I consider a must have at the parties we host is a fun backdrop for photos, and we just so happen to have the perfect wall in our dining room for such a thing! My favorite material to use for a backdrop wall is balloons (as seen here) because you could literally do anything with them. I mean, you could literally do anything with literally anything, but balloons have a way of saying “hey, me and my lungs actually kind put some effort into this”. Besides the whole blowing up a million balloons and having to tie them thing, which is really more time consuming than difficult unless you’re an asthmatic smoker, this is ridiculously easy (hence the title of this post).

You will need:

  • balloons 
  • masking tape
  • lungs (at least 2)
  • friends who like to blow
  • patience

First you’ll need to blow up your balloons. I recommend having some friends over to drink because they’ll be tricked by beer into thinking they’re having fun. If you’re like me, you’re fine with the blowing part, but tying can be difficult for sausage finger having individuals, so have a loved one help you with that. Then you’ll need patience because drunk people will think it’s fun to use their pocket knives to pop a fair amount of the balloons you just blew up. Next, leave the balloons on the floor over night because you’re tired. In the morning, tape the balloons to the wall in the general shape of a heart and then go watch some HGTV because you’re done!

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Here is a helpful tip for making a balloon wall: Sweep your floor before you blow up the balloons and leave them overnight, otherwise dirt will stick to them and it’ll be gross.

I think this wall looks adorable and I put so little effort into it! Imagine if i’d actually tried: the heart wouldn’t be crooked and all of the balloons might be the same size!

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Coulda Woulda SHOULDA

One of my favorite places in all of Pittsburgh is The Andy Warhol museum. I LOVE ANDY WARHOL. I LOVE POP ART. I LOVE IT ALL. I love that when Andy was making giant, colorful screen prints of Campbell’s Soup cans, critics everywhere were saying “that’s not art” and AW said “art is anything you can get away with”. That’s a quote to live by.

Joel and I had one of our first dates at the Warhol and have been back quite a few times since because they have free admission (and wine, not free but still wine) on Friday nights in January. Last year, on a cold January Friday night we went with Joel’s parents and some friends to enjoy the free museum night. I was convinced that this would be the night Joel would propose to me. He’d do it in front of my favorite Skull painting and everyone would cry and cheer.

He did not propose that night. Womp womp.

Fast forward a few months and Joel finally did propose and we were in search of a wedding venue.

We were this close to booking the Andy Warhol museum as our wedding venue. Can you even imagine how cool that’d be?! 110 of our friends and family dancing the night away in the shiny silver lobby, being watched over by the taxidermy Great Dane, Cecil, and 25 Cats Named Sam. We would have said our vows and I dos under the watchful eyes of Marilyn Monroe and Jackie O. We could have served gourmet pizza at the reception. We maybe shouldda done it, but we picked our number one wedding venue choice instead of our number two. However amazing this would have, could have been, I think ours will be even better. 104 more days!

 

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NYE 2015

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New Year’s Eve, or the holiday with the highest expectations and most exuberant letdowns, is upon us once again. For the first time, maybe ever, I’m excited about our plans for the night. I peer pressured some of our besties, Nick and Sarah, to host a party at their house, which is conveniently located down the street. Because fuck going to a bar on NYE.

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I realize now what New Year’s Eve is and is not about. It’s not about where you go, it’s about who you’re with and, more importantly, what you wear. Last year, I had a case of the gastroenteritis out the a-hole (literally); I got all dressed up in my sequin mini dress + Louboutins, had a quick barf before leaving the house, paid the $10 cover to get into a shady bar where I immediately begged to go home because I needed to vom again. It took every ounce of concentration not to be sick all over the back seat of the Lyft car. Without getting into the dirty details (like the color of all of this vomit, which was a weird shade of yellow) I will tell you that the moral of the story is this: I was happy to ring in the new year with the love of my life even though it was spent on the bathroom floor and I couldn’t actually see Joel because he was standing behind me, holding back my hair, but I knew he was there. That my friends, is a great New Year’s! I lost, like, 3 pounds.

Another necessity for NYE is sequins. Or something sparkly. I want to shine like the top of the freaking Chrysler building. I want to literally stop traffic. I want to… ah shit, I ran out of shiny metaphors.

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So whether you’re going out and dancing the night away or staying in and drinking your sorrows, I hope you have a happy and safe New Year! Let’s make 2015 our bitch.

xoxo, S

 

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My Super Sweet 16

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You know that old saying “you only turn 16 once in your life so you better have a big party”? Well, first of all, I made that up so you have literally never heard it until just now and secondly, it’s so not true. The first time I turned 16 was not so sweet. I got the standard $25 birthday check from my grandma and I don’t even remember having a party.

The older I get, the wiser I become, and it might have been the wisest decision of my life to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my 16th birthday with a super sweet 16 party. Unfortunately, maybe this whole getting older thing is also dumbing me down because I did the thing that no 16 year old wants to do: share the spotlight. Since his actual birthday is 3 days before mine, I asked my friend Nick to come be worshiped along side me. He was 2 hours late and got to make a grand entrance which was only a little bit annoying (I wanted to make a grand entrance!).

Anyway, here are some party pictures and notes about how to throw a SUPER sweet 16.

No party is complete without a celebrity guest and since Amy Schumer completely ignored my Instagram invitation, we almost didn’t have one…. drama, right?!… Luckily my crazy cousin decided to surprise me and fly in from Texas. As a celebrity guest, she did not disappoint. She may or may not have gulped down an entire bottle of red wine (straight from the bottle) and dirty danced with our ottoman. It was awesome. I love her so much.

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Even though my sister spent a good portion of her week getting stoned in Denver, CO, she still made the time to make this beautiful cake. It’s pink and covered in sprinkles and the candle holder is a chandelier so, um, yeah, she nailed it.

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What sweet 16 would be complete without girls taking selfies and ignoring each other?!

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The cake was so pretty, I almost didn’t want to allow anyone to eat it.
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Nick did a great job sticking with the black tie theme of our party. Some people showed up in jeans and since our bouncer was off duty at the time, I had no choice but to let them in.

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Like, not to be a bitch, but Joel knows how much I hate red roses and these roses are so dark pink that they almost look red. I had to excuse myself from the party for 20 minutes to lock myself in the bathroom and cry about this fact.

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Obviously I had multiple outfit changes. I had 4 outfit changes total, and 3 friends to help with them. Have you ever seen a gay man try to unhook a bra? It’s hilarious. No but seriously, thank you Amanda, Alex, and Andy for helping me get that dress on! You guys are now on an ever expanding list of people who have seen my butt.

 

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While the 2000s hip hop station on Pandora blasted in the background, guests of the party could enjoy a slideshow with pictures of Nick and myself. You’re welcome.

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Boobs.

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I love these assholes. I had to get a picture of me with a group of people to show my mom that I do have friends.

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The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re feeling guilty because you forgot to wish me a happy birthday, don’t worry about it… my actual birthday isn’t until Tuesday so you have plenty of time to put those checks in the mail.

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