Category Archives: Engagement

Going The Distance

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If you read this post, you probably figured out that Joel and I started out in a long distance relationship. It wasn’t easy, distance is always a bitch, but when I hear people say “long distance relationships never work” I roll my eyes and think “uhhhh, really?” we are living proof they totally can work.

I will say, I think it was slightly easier for us in the beginning because we had no other choice. We met when Joel was in San Antonio for 5 days and after that we had to make an effort at dating while living halfway across the country. I had a flexible, well paying job at the time so flying to Pittsburgh every 2 months wasn’t too big of a deal. We talked every single day, but only getting to see the person you love most in the world just a few times a year totally sucks. We were both so happy after 2.5 years to be in the same city!

When my current bosses asked me to move with them to Toledo, OH I felt exactly how I assume Katniss Everdeen felt when she was called up for the second round of The Hunger Games. I had a very “OH NO NOT THIS AGAIN” moment when the subject was first brought up. Joel and I had worked so hard to finally be together and we were engaged and actively planning a wedding, how could we possibly go the distance again? Well, the offer was, how they say, one I simply could not refuse. “Toledo is only 3 and a half hours away from Pittsburgh and it’s temporary” has been my holy mantra for the last 9 months. Plus I love my job and I’m not a pussy.

I will say, having a long distance relationship after you’ve had a sweet glimpse at the good life of being together 24/7 is FREAKING HARD. From July until December, I probably lost so much water weight from all the crying I did. After December, when the end was in sight, being apart got slightly easier. And tomorrow marks the end of Joel and I being long distance ever again.

If I were to shell out some unsolicited advice to anyone else in a LDR (acronym for Long Distance Relationship not Lana Del Rey) it would be to communicate all. the. time. Luckily, we live in the day of the Smart Phone so talking all day everyday is easily done. Be up each other’s iMessage butts.

 

Don’t Wake The Bridezilla

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Lurking under the surface of even the most calm and collected bride to be, is the dreaded and feared Bridezilla. Sometimes she’ll show her scary red face early on, during the planning, like when the event coordinator at her venue tells her “balloons are strictly forbidden”, she’ll probably scream and cry and possibly use the c-word. It is not necessarily inevitable, but like a certain Robert Louis Stevenson novel, I might not be able to control it. I call it The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Bride.

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So far, I can totally envision myself losing my cool over these things:

  • not getting as many RSVPs in the mail even though the deadline is fast approaching. What? You think stamps are free, people? FINE DON’T EVEN COME TO OUR WEDDING… Oh wait… you actually can’t come or are you just saying that now because you think we won’t feed you? Just select “Yes” or “No”, then “Chicken” or “Fish” and send that card on it’s merry little way. KTHANKSBYEEEE.
  • not having an Army of Skanks to help me pee. Seriously, these Spanx aren’t going to pull themselves down…
  • if someone accidentally steps on my dress
  • if I accidentally trip on my dress
  • people not using my wedding hashtag that I’ve been carefully curating over the last year (#TheBlumers on Instagram). Please use it. I have to wait to look at the wedding pictures we’re paying to have taken, so lemme see the free ones, K?

 

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To be perfectly honest, I don’t see myself turning into that much of a Bridezilla. Sure, I’m going to want to boss people around on my Big Day, but I’m usually pretty bossy anyway. Just tell me I look pretty and everyone will be safe. Promise! XOXO

Joel + Sarah: The Proposal

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There’s a great song by Frank Sinatra called Nice ‘N Easy that perfectly sums up Joel’s way of progressing our relationship. The dude took… his… time…

Let’s take it nice and easy
It’s gonna be so easy
For us to fall in love

It took Joel a year and a half of knowing me before he asked me to “officially” be his girlfriend.

 

Hey baby whats your hurry
Relax and don’t you worry
Were gonna fall in love

It took Joel an entire year after I told him, to tell me he loved me too.

We’re on the road to romance – that’s safe to say
But let’s make all the stops along the way

After 2 years of flying back and forth to Pittsburgh every 2 or so months, Joel asked me to move up.

The problem now of course is
To simply hold your horses
To rush would be a crime
‘Cause nice and easy does it every time

After 4 years and a few days of being in each other’s lives, Joel asked me to marry him. Four years probably doesn’t seem like a long time, but I knew he was my freaking soulmate from the very beginning, so I (understandably) erred on the impatient side of things at certain points in our relationship. “Get your shit together, Blumer” is what I found myself thinking a lot before we got engaged. At one point, Joel had to put my mind at ease and let me know It was coming. The big question… he gave me a 6 month window and said something along the lines of “it could be tomorrow, it could be in June, but you will have a ring soon enough, you hot babe you”.

He was smart to give me a window because there were literally countless times when I thought it was going to happen then didn’t. Date night at the Andy Warhol Museum? OMG HE’S GOING TO PROPOSE IN FRONT OF MY FAVORITE PAINTING! Nope… Meeting up with his parents for dinner on a Thursday? IT’S HAPPENING, BETTER PUT ON SOME MAKEUP. Nope… HE WANTS ME TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE WITH HIM?! IS THIS IT?! No. It’s funny, the one time I let my guard down and didn’t expect anything was when he pulled the trigger. And so it goes…

Last Easter Sunday, Joel and I had plans to host a small, casual brunch at our house. It was supposed to be a laid back weekend. I got up Saturday morning to do some light cleaning and catch up with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. My friend Lauren texted me asking Joel and I to come visit her new house to help her pick out paint colors for the walls, but when I told Joel the plan he said “ohhhhh, I forgot to tell you, Bryan is coming over to play Catan.” Settlers of fucking Catan, a board game that I absolutely loathe… I texted Lauren back asking if she could please pick me up earlier.

While Lauren, her cousin Liz, and myself went shopping and back to Lauren’s house to drink wine and watch 10 Things I Hate About You, and yeah sure paint colors were briefly mentioned, I had no idea what was really going on at home. Joel, Bryan, and Steve had only started setting up their game as a farce to get me out of the house. As soon as I was out of sight, they got to work lighting 1,466 candles: one for every day Joel and I had known each other.

I was happy to see only Joel’s car in the driveway when I got home. “Yessss! we can order pizza and watch a movie!” I thought as Lauren pulled up to the house to drop me off. I ran up to the front porch and noticed a note stuck to the storm door. It was a post card from Joel… it reminded me of how special he felt when I would send him post cards from Texas and to go through the house and find the rest of the post cards, ordered 1-10. AND CUE THE TEARS. IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING.

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All of my senses were overwhelmed when I opened our front door. My skin was blasted by the heat of the candles, my ears were enjoying the sounds of “Come What May” from one  of my favorite musicals, Moulin Rouge, that Joel had lightly playing on the sound system, I could taste my own salty tears as they fell like Niagara Falls down my face, I could smell my own sweat because it was really freaking hot in there. I followed the candlelit path, gathering post cards as I went, quickly suppressing the idea of our house burning down because of the whole paper/fire theme Joel decided to roll with. As I went up the stairs, my heart started to race even faster than it had been… When I reached our bedroom, I saw that on the walls, Joel had taped up Sunflowers and Gerbera Daisies by the stems. And there in the middle of a candle and flower filled room, with a bouquet of pink roses in one hand and a ring in the other, on one knee, was my Joel.

When Joel and I talk about the happiest day of our lives, this memory tops it all so far.

Sarah + Joel: The Beginning

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A lot of my blog readers (hi, Dad!)  already know how I met my almost husband: we were in a wedding together. He was a groomsman, I was Maid of Honor, and it was unrequited love at first sight blah blah blah. That’s the short version that I tell people when I’m too lazy to dive into all of the dirty details of what really went down that Spring night in San Antonio, TX back in 2011. Since I have this new blog with readers all over the world and today marks the five year anniversary of the day we met, I want to write the unabridged version of it all. Consider it part of my wedding countdown. Besides, who doesn’t love a good love story? And so it goes…

Spring in San Antonio, TX can guarantee you a couple of things: bad traffic (because of Spurs games) and humidity out the wazoo. On that Wednesday evening, I rushed home from work to fix my frizzy hair and debate whether or not I, being the anti-social butterfly that I still am today, should go downtown with The Bride, Groom, and some local bridesmaids to mingle with some out-of-town groomsmen. They would pick me up (I wouldn’t have to drive in the shit show that can sometimes be Downtown San Antonio) and I did have Thursday and Friday off as to “help out” with last minute wedding things. “Screw it,” I said “I could use a drink anyway”. We went to Rita’s on the River, a total tourist trap, and ordered margaritas while we waited for the 2 Pittsburgh guys to find us. I had met one of the two groomsmen, Dave, a few years back when I was still a high school hood rat, but had only briefly heard of this Joel character when The Bride (my cousin Christina) showed me all of the groomsmen’s Facebook pages.

I saw his butt first. He was wearing khaki pants that were doing him all of the favors. He turned around for introductions and I remember thinking “daaaang, Glasses, you’re cute!” He sat across from me at dinner and ordered a sandwich + fries with a side of ranch dressing and a Gin and Tonic and I thought to myself “could this guy be more white?!” I was convinced that Joel was much more into one of the other girls I was with, but when Dave back handed me a compliment saying “wow, Sarah, you look much better than you used to”, I saw Joel’s eyes look me over as they tried to picture me not being as cute as I was that day with my ruffled satin halter dress and bleached blonde hair.

Not long after dinner, we found ourselves the only people at a trashy downtown SA nightclub. We had the whole place to ourselves, but weren’t nearly tipsy enough to do anything other than make small talk so we ordered drinks. They were blue and delicious, but deadly- AMF was their name. After blowing that hot dog stand, someone decided it was a good idea to go to Coyote Ugly. Ugh. Can you see me rolling my eyes from where you are?! Joel probably still has a picture of me dancing atop the big wooden bar right before I fell off of it. Downtown San Antonio just isn’t that happening on a Wednesday night (at least it wasn’t 5 years ago) so we went back to the gross empty club. A handful of people had actually shown up, and it was here, while dancing on a table to what I’m sure was the most popular Pitbull song of the time, Joel got in between me and my dancing friend and kissed me. Had he known that I had thrown up at Coyote Ugly, I’m sure he would have waited.

The next day, while standing with a hangover in the Party City parking lot, I got the feeling. The feeling some people say they get when they meet “the one”. There was a little voice in the back of my head whispering “Joooooeeeelll” that I just couldn’t ignore. I remember the rest of that weekend so perfectly. I can picture little details of it all better than I can picture what I just ate for dinner 10 minutes ago… Like how I creepily called him my boyfriend when he was out of earshot so a weirdo at the bar would leave me alone, or how I almost gave up on him when he texted me the wrong use of the word “your” but then immediately texted back correcting it to “you’re” and I was like ohhhhh he’s a keeper, or how we keep making eyes at each other during the wedding rehearsal, or when we slow danced to “Use Somebody” by Kings Of Leon, or how we bonded over our mutual love for It’s Always Sunny. I had fallen in love with him so quickly.

On Monday morning, I headed back to work and Joel flew home to Pennsylvania. He leaned in my open car window and said “you should come to Pittsburgh sometime” and I knew I would. I cried the entire way to work where I was sent home because I couldn’t turn off the water works. I had met my soul mate. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, long distance relationships never are, but I was ready to fight for us. A month and a half later, I flew to Pittsburgh for the first time, and the rest is, as they say, history.

 

Bridal Shower

I’ve been to two bridal showers in my life and they were both, well, pretty GD boring (more like bridull shower, amIright?!). I remember the most exciting part of my cousin’s shower was when she unwrapped a Dutch Oven and I immaturely cry-laughed for a solid 5 minutes. Her Vegas themed baby shower, complete with a Craps Table, beer served in baby bottles, and a game of pin the sperm on the egg while wearing a baby daddy face mask, was much more my speed.

And then I saw the movie Bridesmaids, which completely changed the potential of any bridal shower…

FEELINGS BEFORE MY SHOWER: I can only hope at my bridal shower tomorrow that someone has a mental breakdown and calls me a “LESBIANNNNNN!” and then proceeds to “eat that fucking cookie”. But, I’m really mature now, so if it ends up being a bunch of girls watching me try not to break the bows as I unwrap all of the gifts that I picked out for myself, so be it….

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FEELINGS AFTER SHOWER: My shower was last Saturday, which you totally know if you follow me on Snapchat. Although there were parts that were awkward- like when I couldn’t bend my legs to sit down in my too tight jumpsuit (I brought an outfit change knowing this could be a potential problem) or when the leather on my chair kept making fart sounds and I had to loudly profess “THAT WAS THE CHAIR” or when I had to open gifts in front of people who looked bored to tears- I still had a lot of fun. Joel’s perfect and beautiful sisters came into town and they are always a blast to hang out with. All of my girlfriends and new family sat around and drank pink champagne and told me how pretty I looked. My future MIL Sheila, BFF Jess, and sister Annie really went above and beyond when it came to capturing the essence of Sarah in the decor: there were books and succulents everywhere.

And I gotta say… It feels especially good to have our entire bedroom completely furnished now thanks to my meticulously curated Target registry! So thank you for showering me, ladies of Pittsburgh!

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Something Blue

There are a million four things that every bride is supposed to remember to have on her person at all times during her wedding day: Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue. If she is seen without her tokens, she will probably drop dead or something. I’m not sure where this strange, superstitious tradition came from so lemme just Google it real quick. BRB.

Oh okay, so I have deduced from my 2 minutes of research that the saying comes from England circa 1898. Something old symbolizes continuity; something borrowed symbolizes borrowed happiness; something new offers optimism for the future; and something blue represents purity, love, and fidelity.. and then there’s a line about a sixpence in your shoe for good fortune and prosperity. Cool!

So here’s my checklist

  • Something Blue- my blue knock off Valentino Rockstuds… I was going to get real ones via eBay, but then that would have thrown them into the “something old” category because no way could I budget in $1300 brand new ones.
  • Something Old- my hair extensions? I mean, technically I bought them new, but they grew on another person, soooooo…. The concept is only a little bit gross when I think too much about it.
  • Something Borrowed- hmmmm, this one I have not yet figured out. Maybe I’ll need to borrow a bobby pin from someone? LET ME BORROW SOMETHING.
  • Something New- The Spanx I have to wear under my dress will be new.

When my friend got married a few years ago, she realized very last minute that she had forgotten to wear underwear with her wedding dress. It didn’t really matter because she went with the princess-y ballgown style, but long story short she borrowed a pair of old, blue panties from one of the other bridesmaids and killed three birds with one stone. I do not wish to go that route, but I applaud her for her creativity…

 

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It’s A Colorful Life

Last night, I took a 15 question “About Me” survey for my friend to use as a “How Well Do You Know Sarah” game for my bridal shower this coming weekend (more on that later) and it was kinda difficult. If you want to get to know yourself a little better, might I suggest taking your own Bridal Shower Survey? Anyway, I’ve just never been good at picking my favorite things, especially sticking to one favorite color. Even when I was a kid and there were the Team Blues and Team Yellows running around at recess, I could never decide which one to join. “I LOVE ALL OF THE COLORS EQUALLY” I’d shout right before getting punched in the gut for being too artsy for Catholic School.

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I’m getting married in 2 months (+ 1 week) and when people ask me what my “color theme” is for the wedding, my answer is “ALL THE COLORS”. I don’t necessarily want it to be like that one Snapchat filter where you can make it look like you’re puking a rainbow, but colorful nonetheless. Life is too short to not live colorfully.

Oh, but if you’re coming to my bridal shower, the “official” answer I gave for my favorite color is pink… SHHHHH… you didn’t hear that from me.