I hate to shatter your view of me, but I have to admit one thing… I’m not cool. People who don’t know me assume that I’m way cooler than I actually am, only my closest friends know the truth: that I’m the first to fall asleep at a sleepover. My coolness is a facade, a farce, it’s fake. Most of my family is still under the impression that I am “the cool one”, but they’re wrong! My older brother is the cool one, he’s been living in Pittsburgh for 2.5 months and has already met the mayor and has his hair cut by the Pittsburgh Steelers’ famous barber; whereas I get sick from eating too much and have to leave sporting events early.
I’m so uncool, that most of my fashion advice comes from the Bitmoji version of myself. Like, get a life, girl.
I almost always fall asleep when we have people over on Friday nights. I fall asleep with a room full of people, then I wake up and they’re gone.
I never go out on “school nights”. I don’t even go to school.
I’ve never spent The Weekend or even a Vampire Weekend at a Neutral Milk Hotel. I don’t know one pilot, let alone Twenty-One of them…
I’ve never bought anything to wear from Goodwill because “that’s too many racks to look through”.
I’ve never even seen Citizen Kane and I’ve only been to Europe twice.
I’m not even sure how I got a reputation for being so cool. Is it my “technically good physique” and the way I dress? Or how I always pose in front of colorful walls? Is it that I surround myself with cool people who make me seem less lame? Knowing how to braid my hair in cool ways probably helps my case and the fact that I almost always wear sunglasses to hide my needy puppy eyes. Is it my visible tiny tattoos? This heart and this infinity symbol on my left hand don’t actually mean anything, I just haggled the tattoo artist into doing a 2 for 1 special.
If you’re uncool like me and want to learn ways to make yourself seem cooler, do what I do… fake it til you make it? IDK, I’ll never be the cool girl and I’m okay with that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.