In The Bag

When I still lived with my parents (back in ole San Antonio, TX) someone decided it would be a funny prank to buy me a subscription to US Weekly magazine. The joke was on them because trashy gossip mags used to be one of my favorite guilty indulgences.  I loved to see Who Wore It Better and Stars: They’re Just Like Us Only Wealthier, but my favorite reoccurring “article” was when we got an inside look into a famous woman’s most personal/useful accessory: her purse.

Granted, that particular portion of the magazine was probably sponsored (why else would [INSERT KARDASHIAN HERE] “confess” to having a L’Oreal Paris lipstick and matching liner in her Birkin at all times like it was fucking heart medication?!).

The other day, I was frantically looking for the x-acto knife I had just bought and decided the fastest way to find it would be to dump the contents of my purse and sift through until it was found. Not only did I make a big ass mess, but I never did find that GD knife and ended up having to buy a new one. Here are some of the things I think to myself every single time I clean out a bag:

  • WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY WENDY’S RECEIPTS?!
  • oh there are those earrings
  • who’s earrings are these?
  • where is the mate to this earring
  • I haven’t even worn earrings in, like, forever
  • I HAVE A STARBUCKS GIFT CARD?!
  • I wonder if there’s any money on this Starbucks gift card
  • ooh, a piece of candy!

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You can learn a lot about a lady by the cargo carried inside her bag. For instance, I am apparently biased against any brands of nail polish other than Essie and Revlon, but if you need a razor, I’m your girl.

If you zoom in on the picture above you will see a fortune from a long lost (eaten) fortune cookie that appropriately sums up this post/my messy life: “You will find what you lost, bur first you must remember where you left it”…. It’s probably somewhere in my purse.

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