Hold Me, Tinder

I respect the crap out of online dating! I’ve never made an account for myself but, wait, that’s a lie… I made an eHarmony profile when I was 19, but when I got to the end of the survey part, they wanted me to pay for it and was like “byeeeeee”. It takes balls to put yourself out there. My sister met her current BF, whom we all love, because she accidentally swiped right on his Tinder profile when she was drunk at my Fourth of Ju-Luau party. And my friend Lauren met her current fiancé on match.com.

Although I’m a  cheerleader for all love stories, I especially love hearing my friends’ online dating horror stories. Like when my super sweet friend, Megan, went out with a guy who was an entire foot shorter than her and he was, like, creepily obsessed with Disney. All things Disney, like, went to Disney World a few times a year… alone. She said he quoted Aladdin multiple times during dinner, didn’t pay, then insisted on following her to her car. Also, he had a beeper. I’m sure he was a nice guy deep down, but gross. My BFF Jessica once had her second date with a guy she met via OKcupid at mine and Joel’s house just to prove how annoying this guy was. I kept telling her to give him a chance, and then I met him and he talked shit about Harry Potter, then just wouldn’t stop talking. We had to get rid of him, but since he was one of those guys that just can’t take a hint, we had to scheme a little to avoid hurt feelings (because he knows where I live now). I texted our other friend/Jessica’s roomate,  Jamie, and told her to call Jess with a made up emergency (omg I might be pregnant! help!) so that Talkie could take Jess home to have girl talk. It worked out, we haven’t seen, or heard, Talkie ever since. Seriously though, if you have good online dating stories, please email me.

If we lived in a parallel universe, and I had not met my fiancé, I like to think that the seriously weird compatibility of our hypothetical Tinder profiles would magically bring us together.


Sarah, 26. 1,492 miles from you.                                    active 2 seconds ago

“Some obscure quote that proves that I’m interesting” and I’m only here for the free food.


Joel, 28. 1,492 miles from you                                             active, like, never

Seeking: Intelligent women; waitresses. Hobbies: Magnets. Likes: Ghouls (the little green ones) Dislikes: People’s knees. Cover your knees if you’re gonna be walking around everywhere! Favorite Foods: Milksteak boiled over hard, jelly beans (raw, of course) Smoke: Whatever’s around! Drink: OK! Religion: Highly susceptible to cults.

Daaaaaaamn… I’d swipe right.

4 thoughts on “Hold Me, Tinder

  1. Was on Tinder for 2 months, met my current boyfriend through it and we’ve together for almost a year. I will say I saved some screenshots from then because well…it was Tinder.


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