Breakin’ The Law

There has always been one fashion “rule” that has pissed me off more than others: you can’t wear white after Labor Day. The hell I can’t! YOU can’t tell ME what to do!

IMG_8911

IMG_8912

For all of my foreign readers, Labor Day is a federal holiday here in the US celebrated on the first Monday of September. It is also the “natural end date for Summer fashion”. I mean, I get it… we, the consumers, are supposed to believe in investing in a completely different wardrobe for Fall/Winter. We’re supposed to retire all of our palm print dresses, white jumpsuits, and brightly colored anything to make way for all of the dull clothing that will inevitably be covered up with coats and jackets anyway, right?! WRONG…

IMG_8913

IMG_8914

IMG_8915

I know I’m not the first to say this, and I’m hopefully not the last, but some rules are just made to be broken. What’s gonna happen to me if I’m caught wearing white after September? The fashion police gonna write me a ticket?

IMG_8916

IMG_8917

IMG_8918

It’s not difficult to continue to wear your Spring/Summer attire all year long. Logistically, sandals could be put away and replaced with boots/booties/anything closed toe to avoid frost bite; but everything else can stay. So throw a leather jacket on with that white dress and tell everyone to suck it.

This stranger we met during this photo shoot totally agrees with us:

IMG_8921

IMG_8919

…. and yes, that is Kate Upton modeling with me in these pictures.

Shark Attack: The Drink/Drinking Game

Ever just want to throw it back to your hardcore partying college (high school?) days and play a drinking game?! Well wait no longer and look no further! I’m finally adding drinking games to the long list of things that I do so well here on my blog! YOU’RE WELCOME, WORLD.

IMG_8301

We have a fun end of summer tradition in our house: watch the Syfy channel classic, Sharknado (they’re on their fourth installment) and play a drinking game with it. For the last two years, we’ve made over the top, specialty shark drinks to chug while we play. Here’s what we use and how we make ’em:

You’ll need:

In a glass that normal people use for whiskey, add ice and a squirt of blue Kool-aid. Use a cocktail shaker to mix the lemonade, 2 oz gin, 1/2 oz tequila then add to the glass. Throw in some rock candy and a gummy shark on a cocktail stirrer or toothpick and you’re done! For a “scary” effect, you can freeze some blue Kool-aid in one of these and add it to your drink with some strawberry daiquiri mix for a real “bloody shark attack” feel.

BUT DON’T DRINK IT YET…

IMG_8302

This drinking game has been adapted from a few that I’ve seen on the Internet over the years and will work with any of the Sharknado movies… it could even work for some of the other Syfy classics like Dinoshark, Ghost Shark, or Sharktopus…

Take a drink when

  • someone gets eaten by a shark
  • someone makes a Jaws reference
  • you see a B through D list actor make a cameo
  • someone says “Sharknado”
  • someone kills a shark with a weird object (i.e. not a gun)
  • there’s a blatant product placement
  • someone revs a chainsaw or cocks a shotgun
  • there’s a girl in a bikini
  • there’s a “hot girl scientist” (big boobs, glasses, speaking gibberish)
  • every time Tara Reid screams
  • there’s a weather report
  • there’s a shark pun

 

IMG_8304

IMG_8303

You will most likely end up drinking  your way through the entire movie so if you want to switch to beer, I totally understand. OH, THE PERSON WITH THE MOST LIQUID IN THEIR CUP AT THE END HAS TO JUMP INTO THE CLOSEST BODY OF WATER: THE BATHTUB!

Honeymoon Video

When Joel (my husband) was in high school, he won multiple awards for film making. So it’s no surprise that he could just throw together a bunch of little clips of our European honeymoon (mostly of the back of my head), add one of our favorite songs, and turn it into the masterpiece of memories below:

A few disclaimers…

  • Yes, I have hair extensions.
  • The song is Monument by Mutemath– hopefully, because we kind of know the guitarist, we won’t get sued for not paying royalties?
  • Don’t sue us, Todd.

How To Caption Your Instagrams

If I had a dollar for every time I was around a friend or family member who acted like captioning an Instagram photo is a harder thing to do than learning Mandarin, I’d be one rich bitch. This is a real thing that can give a lot of people anxiety. “Wait, Sarah, what should I say on this picture?!” they ask… Now, instead of diving into the pool of reasons why this doesn’t matter, I’ll tell you my fool proof ways of writing something underneath a picture on Social Media!

  1. Song lyrics! Classics are good, Drake is great.
  2. Use these trendy words and phrases: level 100, keepin’ it 100, _____ game strong, squad goals, good vibes, lazy vibes, any vibes will work.
  3. Quote great tv shows or movies, like 30 Rock or Mean Girls.
  4. Emphasis your point with emojis… that’s what they’re for…
  5. Don’t post pictures when you’re too tired or drunk, your captions probably won’t make sense… actually, that’s funny. Do that!
  6. Use hashtags. AND NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THEM. #sorrynotsorry
  7. You do you, girl. You’re so good, you don’t even need a caption.

 

WHATEVER, I’M GETTING CHEESE FRIES.

 

Au Revoir, Honeymoon! (Paris Part Deux)

Here we are, at the end of our European adventure honeymoon! We ended our trip in the same city where we began, The City of Lights, Paris (read part 1 here).

IMG_5746

It’s crazy how welcoming that familiar Parisian architecture was when we walked out of the train station.  I just wanted to bundle the entire city up in a big bear hug, especially after the most uncomfortable, billion hour train ride it took us to get there. Seriously though, Paris, Je T’aime!

IMG_8067

We stayed on the opposite side of Paris for our second go around, literally a 3 minute walk from the Louvre, at this adorable AirBnb. We arrived on a Sunday- meaning most museums and stores would be closed, but after eating an early dinner, we walked around the grounds of the most famous art museum on the planet. Sitting outside in that sweet Parisian drizzle, worrying a tiny bit about my pink feather coat, while a street violinist serenaded us was one of my favorite parts of our trip.

IMG_5692

IMG_5694

Early the next morning, we went back to the Louvre to see the inside- you know, where they keep all the art… Seriously, is this place ever not crowded? As we were waiting in line outside of the pyramid, that sweet Parisian drizzle turned into a full on rain storm that didn’t relent until we left France 3 days later…

I think that more than most of the artwork itself, the building itself is worth the full price of admission! Look how gorgeous!

IMG_8073

IMG_8071

IMG_8069

lol

IMG_8070

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that the Mona Lisa isn’t worth seeing. Even with the crowd surrounding her, I legit cried as her eyes followed me around the room! I WAS AN ART MAJOR, OKAY?!

IMG_8072

Oh hey, Venus.

IMG_8068

But you really can’t see it all at once. So we blew that hot dog stand and, oh, what’s this?! The Louboutin store is kind of on our way back to the apartment… Maybe we should just look inside? OHHHHH they’re less expensive here even with the exchange rate? OH HOW WEIRD! Okay fine, I’ll try on those bubblegum pink patent pumps! *THIS WILL BE MY ONLY SOUVENIR, OKAY?!* Oh… You don’t have my size? What do you mean my feet are “kinda big”?! BYEEEE.

And scene.

IMG_8066

On our last full day in Paris, we wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Seems like a great idea, right? I mean, I love going to the top of tall buildings- Hancock Tower, Willis Tower, Empire State Building- so this’ll be fun, right?! It probably would have been fun had it not been a rainy, windy day… Had I not stood at the opening of the glass elevator, face to face with certain death should the doors decided to open, then yeah I’m sure it would have been tons of fun. “Is it just me, or do we seem to be swaying” is the last thing I remember Joel asking me before my ears started ringing and I had to invest all of my concentration in not puking.

IMG_8057

IMG_8065

IMG_5798

IMG_8058

I may or may not have kissed the ground when we got back down.

IMG_8063

We found where the famous Love Lock bridge was moved to on our way to breakfast before heading to Versailles!

IMG_8062

IMG_8060

IMG_8061

Since our train ride back from Versailles spit us out right at Notre Dame, we walked by and I let a million pigeons cover me. And no, I did not get pooped on!

IMG_5939

With bellies full of croissants and crepes, we reluctantly made our way back to America to rejoin the real world. Technically the honeymoon is over, but we will always have Paris…

Just Add Water

IMG_7951

PLEASE FORGET THAT I EVER COMPLAINED ABOUT COLD WEATHER. I FUCKING HATE THIS HUMID/HOT BULLSHIT, FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE MONTH OF AUGUST. At least when it’s cold out, you can always add layers to warm yourself up; what’re you supposed to do when it’s hot as balls outside?! Strip down naked, but then what?! You can’t take your skin off!

Before Joel took down our white trash above ground pool, we had a place to cool off in the 100% humidity, but now I have to rely on cold showers when I bring my sweaty ass home everyday. Do me a favor this weekend? Jump in the nearest body of water, K? There’s a fountain a few miles away with my name on it…

IMG_7950

How To Be Basic

IMG_7838

Basic Bitches are everywhere. You see them in the Winter, never without their North Face + Ugg Boot combo, and in the Summer with their hair in that annoying half Samurai bun and tank tops that say things like “Life Is Beautiful” or “I Woke Up Like This”. I was trying to make a pro/con list of the things Basic Bitches do/say/wear and was shocked when the pros started to totally totes outweigh the cons. Maybe it’s time for me… to embrace the Basic?!

IMG_7836

IMG_7834

Here is a list of ways, both good and bad, to be a little more basic:

  • Order from the Starbucks Secret Menu, but only because you want your drink to match your outfit.
  • If you drink your Starbucks Secret Menu drink before you have time to photograph it, bitch, you better water down some almond milk and add some food coloring.
  • You could always just match your La Croix Water to whatever you’re wearing.
  • Make a choker out of a household item (I used a bathing suit strap, fastened with a bobby pin… but I had to take it off because it was, well, choking me.)
  • Change the inflection in all the sentences you say to make it sound like you’re asking a question, even when you’re not?

IMG_7832

IMG_7839

IMG_7841

  • Acceptable Snapchat filters for reposting to Instagram: Dog Filter, Flower Crown Filter, Butterfly/Cocaine Lip Filter.
  • You need to literally forget your significant other’s name. From here on out, He/She should only be referred to as “Bae”.
  • Have a Bath & Body Works frequent shopper card. Girl, you need those scented candles in your life.
  • Dress everyday like you’re going to Coachella #FestivalWearForever.
  • Have a favorite Kardashian (Khloe is the correct favorite, obvi).

IMG_7806

IMG_7830

See?! It’s so easy! Also, being a BB means getting very excited for Fall BECAUSE THAT MEANS IT’S PUMPKIN SPICE EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 31 other followers